Shameless lives are broken //Rai//

[Toshio Niigata]

”So, as you can see, Shakespeare often liked to view life as his own personal stage in which what he did were mere acts in a play…” Toshio went on. He stood at the front of his class with his foot stationed on the seat of a chair, a cigarette protruding from his lips. The foul smell of the nicotine spread throughout the room. Toshio smoked during class because he believed that the odor kept the students awake and focused, and so far his theory had proven to be true (since he hadn’t had a student fall asleep in his class for years). However, today the smell seemed to be ineffective on one of his students. ”Yamada!” he bellowed toward the girl. Just as he lifted his leg off of the chair, the bell rang and students began to rush out of his class, knowing that he was in a bad mood. When the girl finally awoke he glared at her. He put his hands on her desk and peered right into her eyes, meaning nothing but business. ”You’re pushing it Yamada… this is the third time ive caught you sleeping in my class! Either I tell the Track coach or I have a conference with your parents! Got it?” he growled.

This demeanor was probably what made him so unlikeable by his students. Oh well. What did he care? He only had them for 9 months of the year, and then he most likely never saw them again! Never again… he thought those words over a million times in his head. Every time he thought them, Sachi entered his mind. Why the hell was he still thinking about her? Also, why was she entering his mind way more often than she had in the past 16 years? Toshio didn’t know, but right now he had more important things to focus on, like why the hell this girl kept falling asleep in his class! Toshio thought that that was the rudest thing a child could do. A child…this girl wasn’t a child. No one at this school was a “child”, they were all practically adults. So, why, in this girl’s case, was he comparing her to a child?

[Rai Yamada]

"Fear not Rai, for the Princess shall be returned to her kingdom thanks to your help. We couldn't have done it without you! All cheer for Rai!" the King cheered before the rest of the village shouted along with him.

"YA-MA-DA! YA-MA-DA!" they cheered although one voice seemed to stand out among the rest. A much louder, angrier voice shouting her name.

She blinked rapidly, her magical dream world drifting away before wiping any drool that may have escaped before looking up into the dark eyes of her teacher. Rai gulped loudly as he mentioned tell Coach, she couldn't afford to be kicked off the team, she needed running. Running was all she had!
"Please don't tell Coach!" she pleaded desperately "He'll kick me off the Team; you can't do that to me!" She shook her head slightly and met his terrifying gaze, she could understand why so many of her classmates didn’t like him, and he did have a horrible temper.

Rai took a deep breath and said “I’m sorry,” she sighed looking down at her desk “Is there not any way we can sort this out with involving my Mom or Coach. My Mom would kill me!” Her Mom wouldn’t be happy with her at all if she had to come in, she was so tired at home with her brother, he’d been ill lately and she’d been getting little to no sleep every night. The family had tried to help out as much as they could but her Mother was adamant that they needed their sleep more than her. Ironically she probably wanted to make sure Rai didn’t get herself into situations like this.

[Toshio Niigata]

Toshio sighed and chewed on his cigarette as the girl spoke. He knew that the coach would kick her off the team, but if it would get her to quit falling asleep in class he would do it! After all, education is more important than sports. There used to be a day when Toshio would've disagreed with that, but that was a long long time ago. "Well a conference is the only other option kiddo, sorry" he said solemnly, his temper starting to waver. Just this girl's eyes made him feel better...
What the hell?! Why was he thinking like this?! He wasnt the type of teacher who developed these kinds of relationships with his students!

No, but this wasnt like that at all. It was totally different. What was with this frickin' girl?!

"If you dont tell your parents yourself, you'll force me to have to call them, and i dont want to do that, understood?" he pronounced, and he stood up and crossed his arms across his chest. I hate conferences! But this girl needs to learn her lesson! he thought. He walked back to his desk and started scribbling on a piece of paper. He walked back over to Rai and handed the paper to her. "Here, give this to your parents" he said. It was a note that wrote:

To the parents of Rai Yamada,
I would like to request a conference with you about your daughter's conduct in class.
Toshio Niigata

"I want to see your parents- or at least one of them- here in my classroom after school tomorrow, or i will tell the coach about this incident" he announced. He nodded a dismissal for her to leave his class, as that was his final word.

[Rai Yamada]

Rai read the note before closing her eyes and sighing in defeat,

"Yeah OK, I'll tell them," she picked up her bag, keeping the note in her hand as she raised from her seat and slowly walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.
She was not looking forward to tomorrow...

(I thought it would be better to do a time skip to tomorrow after school)[/b]

The bell rang as Tadahiro Yamada walked through the school halls, looking for his step-daughters class room. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, this lack of sleep was really getting to him but he couldn't bring himself to be angry when he looked into the eyes of his son. He was like a mirror image of his wife with his bright green eyes and brown hair, he loved him dearly. Not that he didn’t love his step-daughter, but he knew that because he wasn’t her biological father there was always a distance between them that he didn’t think would ever change and they both grew to accept that. It must have been hard for her but he tried to be the father figure she needed and he had managed so far but it wasn’t easy, he was incredibly glad when he found out that his wife was having a boy. Boys were much easier in his opinion.

He knocked on the classroom door before sliding it open hoping it was the right room,

"Hello? I'm looking for Mr. Niigata regarding my daughter?" he asked as his eyes fell upon a much younger man sitting at his desk with a cigarette in his mouth, the smell of smoke drifting around the room.

[Toshio Niigata]

Toshio dismissed his class early today so that he could prepare for the meeting with Yamada’s parents. He sighed with fatigue and gathered all of the papers that had exploded into a messy heap on his desk, trying to organize it a bit. When that went nowhere, he gave up and plopped backwards into his swivel desk chair and propped his feet up on the desk, waiting patiently. He twiddled his thumbs and chewed on the end of his cigarette. Hopefully they’re not allergic to the smoke… he thought, but then shrugged it off. Ever since he left his fiancé many years ago, he could care less about others. His view on people totally changed, and he lost most of his respect for them.

Suddenly the door to his classroom opened a bit, and he heard a man ask,"Hello? I'm looking for Mr. Niigata regarding my daughter?". ”Ah yes, you must be Mr. Yamada, I am Mr. Niigata. Pleasure to meet you” he said, faking honor, as he got up out of his chair and shook the man’s hand. This man was a couple inches shorter than he, and was about 10 years (at least) older. Something about this man made Toshio dislike him- whether it was what he wore, his slinkish attitude, or just that he was the father of the nuisance in his classroom. Whatever it was, Toshio didn’t like him one bit. However, being the professional that he was, he put on a smile and sat back down at his desk and laid down the line. ”Well Mr. Yamada, it seems your daughter hasn’t been getting the proper amount of sleep that she needs to stay awake and focused in my class. This was the third time ive caught her dozing off during the day” he said as he scrunched his dying cigarette into the ash tray sitting on his desk. ”So, what are we gonna do to fix this, hm?” he slightly glared at the man, waiting anxiously to hear his answer so that he could end this meeting and go home and sulk in his sucky life.

[Rai Yamada]

Tadahiro shook Rai’s teachers hand and smiled slightly, not quite sure to make of the man. Something was a little off by the way he was looking at him, almost like he disliked him intently,
’Well that can’t be right,’ he though ’we’ve only just met. What can he possibly dislike about me when he doesn’t know me?’ He shook his head slightly brushing off the though and smiled in greeting,

”Yes nice to meet you too,” he said as he took a seat on the opposite side of the desk, sighing as Mr. Niigata explained about Rai’s clear misbehaviour , he raised a hand to his temple and closed his eyes,
”I must apologise for my daughter. My wife and I have a toddler you see,” he started to explain, a small smile playing at his lips as he thought of his wife and son, ”And he’s had an ear infection for the last week or so and I’m afraid it’s taken its toll on the entire family. Sachi, my wife who apologises for not being able to make it to this meeting by the way, has been telling Rai that she needs her sleep but it’s hard when there’s a baby screeching in the next room,” he chuckled, wincing slightly just remembering the scream his son was giving out the night before. He himself had been victim to falling asleep at his desk more than a few times.

”I’m incredibly sorry for Rai’s behaviour and will definitely have a talk with her. Maybe she could stay with my sister, she doesn’t live to far away so Rai could still walk to school everday,” he mused.

[Toshio Niigata]

Toshio nodded as Mr. Yamada explained the situation at their home. However, his attention was grabbed by the hand and shaken around at the mention of his wife, Sachi. Toshio tried not to make a surprised face at the comment, and he subtly looked away- not paying any more attention to what this man was babbling on about. Sachi…that’s not a very common female Japanese name. maybe…? No, it couldn’t be! She said she would never leave that old town! But, that girl, Rai, she is 16… as Toshio added up the years in his head his eyes got a little wide. His heart started racing and his head pounded. He quickly took out another cigarette from the carton and lit it up. He chewed on the end before sticking it in his mouth and sucking on it angrily. When he realized that the man had finished speaking, Toshio just nodded and looked down at the messy desk. ”Yes I understand… but maybe,” he paused, thinking about what to say next as to not sound weird. He began to rephrase, ”Well, having a child at your son’s age isn’t going to change. I know its not my place to say this, but unless you plan on sending your daughter to live with your sister for a few years, that may not fix the long term issue. Maybe I should have a conference,” he said quickly and then paused again, twiddling his thumbs. ”With you and your wife…as a family” he added. No matter what he wanted to meet this man’s wife! He had been praying and hoping for another moment to see Sachi, and this might just be it, so he wasn’t going to let it go for nothing!

He didn’t change the expression on his face or his position in his chair as he waited for the old man’s response. He truly hoped that he didn’t sound weird or uncalled-for just then, but he had to figure out for himself who this man’s wife was. But, if it is my Sachi, what the hell am I supposed to do?! She’s married to this man, and has a child! Maybe I shouldn’t have done that he thought. He started to contradict his decision, but soon realized that he had already suggested it and that he couldn’t take it back. He was so ignorant sometimes! Of course, that is what Sachi always said.

[Rai Yamada]

Tadahiro was taken aback by Mr. Niigata request, he was thinking that all would be sorted peacefully and quickly but clearly the issue was a lot more difficult than he had originally thought. He thought about what he’d said for a few minute before nodding slowly.

”You’re right,” he sighed ”How soon did you want to meet again? I can call Sachi now to see if she’s finished with whatever she was doing, maybe she could meet us now.” he said as he grabbed his phone from his pockets and dialled the number he knew so well, listening to the ringing before the voice he loved to hear sounded from the other side,

”Hi baby, I’m meeting with Rai’s teacher and he has asked to see us both. Could you meet us here when you’re done?” he paused for a moment ”Oh, you’re done already? Great! How long do you think you’ll be? Five minutes? Perfect, Mr. Niigata and myself will be waiting for you.” as he spoke the last sentence he heard his wife breath catch when he spoke his name, did she recognise it? He didn’t think Rai had been in trouble before but maybe they had met when Rai started school. He said goodbye to his wife and put his phone back in his pocket.

” Sorry about that,” he said smiling, ”Sachi said she’ll be here in about five minutes, she’s just gonna drop off our son to my sister and then she’ll be here. She didn’t think you’d want a screaming baby in the meeting,” he laughed.

[Toshio Niigata]

Toshio sat back in his desk chair. ”Um, it would be nice if she could meet us now, perhaps” he stated, and listened as Mr. Yamada called up his wife. Toshio flinched at the word “baby” that was directed at the man’s wife, and he bit down hard on the end of his cigarette. When the call ended suddenly, the man gave a strange look but then composed himself quickly and said that Sachi would be there in five minutes. Five minutes- that was all Toshio had to smoosh the cigarette into the bottom of the ashtray, poor the ashtray out the window into the courtyard, and clear the room of the nicotine odor. Sachi never liked it when Toshio smoked. He had just started to smoke after they started dating, and he was quickly addicted. The added stress of the engagement and the pregnancy made him smoke even more, and after he left he never really had any desire to stop.

After he had gotten out of his chair and cleaned the room the best he could, he saw a car pull into the lot outside his window. His classroom was situated on the third floor of the high school and overlooked the courtyard and the parking lot next to it. He didn’t recognize the car, but the woman who stepped out of it took his breath away. His mouth dropped as he studied the woman’s appearance and then compared it to his ex-fiance’s. They matched perfectly. A few moments later a knock came on the door and it opened slightly, revealing the woman. Toshio’s eyes were wide. What had he gotten himself into?

[Rai Yamada]

Tadahiro watched as Mr. Niigata cleaned the room, frowing slightly as he disposed of his ciggerette buts and the smell of smoke in the room. He couldn’t quite understand why he’d suddenly decided that he needed to clean. Just then the door opened and there stood his beautiful wife. He stood to greet her but as he took a step towards her his phone started ringing, he looked and at caller ID and smiled apologetically to Mr. Niigata and his Sachi,

”I’m sorry, it’s my work. I need to take this, hopefully I’ll only be a moment, he answered the phone as he left the room closing the door behind him and making his way down the hall to find somewhere quite to talk.

Sachi watched as her Husband closed the door before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She needed to try and calm herself down, her heart beat was increasing and she could feel tears gathering in her eyes.

”Hello Toshio,” she whispered, raising her eyes to look at the man who broke her heart all those years ago.

[Toshio Niigata]

Toshio stood speechless as Mr. Yamada took the cell phone call and exited the room. He blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming as he stood before Sachi. This was her- the girl whom he had left all those 17 years ago. Her beautiful voice echoed in the silence of the classroom, yet it seemed to reach across the empty space and slap Toshio in the face. ”Hello Toshio,” she whispered, and it sent a shiver up his spine. He had some nerve to invite her here! But, now what was he supposed to do? He knew that this meeting was about her daughter, Rai, but he didn’t want to talk about her. Wait a minute…Rai. Her daughter. Our…? he thought, and he had to sit down. He made his way to the chair and plopped down, raising his fingers to his forehead. He needed an aspirin.

”Sachi,” he retorted, but the words he spoke couldn’t return the blow hers had emitted. It was no use. In this day and age Toshio agreed with her. It was stupid and cowardly for him to run away like he did in the past. It was time to have closure and he had questions that he wanted her to answer. He took in a deep breath then spoke. ”You may sit down if you wish…” then he paused for a few moments. He studied the floor for a bit, then looked back up at her beautiful, well-maintained face. She looked no more than 5 years older than when he saw her last. ”So, you two are married? Hm…” he shook his head referring to the busy man who had left his room on a business call. ”And, you have a son?” he added, but he was no where near finished. He swallowed hard before continuing. ”And…Rai?” he asked solemnly as he looked her in the eyes. He tried his best to hold back tears, but he felt one leak out and slide down his cheek.

He buried his head into his hands and massaged his temples. After a long moment of silence Toshio finally decided that it was time that he spoke up- especially since Sachi’s husband would be returning any minute. ”Sachi, I always loved you. I am so sorry…what I did was reckless and cowardly. I was afraid of commitment, and I had my own life that I wanted to live and it didn’t involve a child! Its just…” he wiped his eyes and then continued. ”Its been bothering me these past few years…and I feel like its eating me alive!” he exclaimed. He couldn’t bare to look at her anymore. He had said what he wanted to, and he didn’t have anything else to say. He breathed heavily and tried to calm himself down with no luck. He felt like shit- pure shit.

[Rai Yamada]

(Sorry it's so long xD she had a lot to say!)

Sachi moved across the classroom with very small steps, not sure at all how to manage the situation she was currently in. She never for once thought that she’d ever have to see his face again, never wanting to deal with him again.

“So, you two are married? Hm... And you have a son?” she nodded not trusting her voice, “And ...Rai?” She had to look away, she couldn’t look into those eyes when he mention her daughter, their daughter...

When she looked back at his face all she could see was the way he reacted seventeen years ago when she told him she was pregnant. She’d love him with all her heart back them and although she was absolutely terrified about the thought of having a baby but when she thought of her sweetheart she knew they’d be OK. When she was on her way to tell him the news she’d pictured what his reaction might be but what she imagined was completely and utterly different from the reality. She’d thought that he was would please, as scared as her but pleased none the less. They were engaged for God’s sake, he’d promised he’d be with her forever but he’d lied. She couldn’t help but feel angry just thinking about the way he acted. She could feel herself getting worked up and she couldn’t hold it in any longer but before she could open her mouth Toshio spoke in a heartbreaking tone,

“Sachi, I always loved you. I am so sorry...what I did was reckless and cowardly. I was afraid of commitment, and I had my own life that I wanted to live and it didn’t involve a child! It’s just...” he wiped his eyes and then continued. “It’s been bothering me these past few years...and I feel like it’s eating me alive!” he exclaimed.
She took a deep breath before snapping,

”You’ve got to be kidding me!” she screamed ”Do you think I had planned my life to involve a child?! I was sixteen! I was still a baby myself, how did you expect me to be able to cope on my own!” she said, softening at the end as she started to cry, big fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

”When you proposed to be you promised me you’d be there for me, you promised to look after me, to keep me safe. But you lied! You weren’t there for me at all!” she sobbed ”I didn’t know what to do Toshio. I was so confused!” she said quietly before confessing things she never thought she’d actually get to tell him,

”I was on my own T” she whispered using her nickname for him from all those years ago ”My parents chucked me out the house as soon as they found out. I tried to keep it a secret from them for as long as I could but eventually they started noticing my changing figure and the fact that i chose but looser fitting clothes than I used to. I moved to Tokyo when I was 7 months pregnant, I lived with my Aunt until I could get a place of my own she was the only one who didn’t judge me. When Rai was born I promised myself that I wouldn’t ever try and find you, to tell you that you had a daughter. It was so hard T, the looks people gave me. I had to live through all the glares and the horrible comments from people I didn’t even know!” she sighed ”But then I met Tadahiro” she smiled slightly ”I’d gotten a part time job at a local business just doing admin work and he was my boss. He looked after me T, I was finally happy after so long of missing you the hole in my heart was finally healing.” she sighed before taking a huge breath and looking him straight in the eye, ”Rai doesn’t know who her father is. I never told her your name; I didn’t want to put her through the hurt if you rejected her just like you did me. I could never put our daughter through that.” she said, only after realising that she’d said ’our daughter’ to him for the first time.

[Toshio Niigata]

Toshio couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His mouth was wide and almost touched the floor. He was shaking all over from the welling emotions inside of him. It was over; Sachi had gotten over him- not easily, but she did with time. She married, had a real family now, all except for the one mistake- their mistake. When she began to cry Toshio just wanted to shoot up and caress her and make everything bad go away, just like he used to. He wanted to feel the warmth of her still young and vibrant skin, feel her head fall upon his shoulder, and wipe the tears with his fingers. When she looked at him with those wet eyes, he couldn’t stand it. He looked down at the ground, all of a sudden angry with himself. He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white, and then he bursted out from behind his desk and ran over to Sachi. He embraced her with all his might and pulled her close to him. He pressed his cheek up against hers and felt another tear run down his face. When his breathing evened out, he pulled away a bit so he could see her beautiful face. The words seemed to roll off his tongue like he had been practicing them for years (…not like he had been O.O). He spoke quietly and gently as not to upset her even more. ”Im sorry Sachi” he breathed, and he leaned in and kissed her once on the lips.

[Rai Yamada]

Sachi jumped slightly as she heard the screech of Toshio’s chair scrape across the floor as he ran towards her and embraced her. Sachi clenched her eyes shut as he pressed his cheek to her, both his and her tears mixing as they fell, she couldn’t help the rush of emotions that flooded her heart as he hugged her, she’d been embraced by him so many time before but not since she told him she was pregnant.
As he pulled back so she could see him she met his eyes as he spoke the words she been wanting to hear for seventeen years,

“I’m sorry Sachi” he breathed before leaning in and kissing her once on the lips. She couldn’t help it, but she kissed him back, placing her hands delicately on his neck as all those feeling from her teenage years came rushing back to her as she felt his lips on hers. They felt so familiar yet so strange, they had both grown up so much but standing her, arms wrapped around one another she couldn’t help but fell like a teenager again.
After a minute she pulled back, placing her hands on his chest, not removing herself from his embrace,

”We need to stop,” she sighed, resting her head on his chest inhaling his scent realising it hadn’t changed. ”We can’t do this,”

[Toshio Niigata]

To Toshio’s surprise, Sachi actually kissed him back. It was a warm kiss and it was the same as it had been 17 years ago. When they became one it felt as if no one else existed, and nothing else mattered. However, that wasn’t the point here; when he leaned back Sachi put a hand delicately on his chest and he sucked in a heap of air as she turned her head away from him. He held her in his arms not wanting to let her go ever again, but he then realized that the apology wasn’t enough. He was too late; 17 years too late. If he had done this even a year after leaving her he guessed that he would’ve been forgiven, but not after this long. This was a life-changing mistake that he couldn’t take back. He wanted her to know desperately how much he still loved her, and how much he would give anything to marry her right now and re-promise her to stay with her forever. He wanted to be a father now, and suddenly his life as a bachelor wasn’t so appealing. He only wished that Sachi hadn’t gone out and found herself a husband and had another child. He had to know, however, if she still loved him. ”Do you… love him?” he paused, ”As much as me?” he sniffled a bit, not really wanting to hear the answer but knowing that it was the most important information right now.